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Comedy Central
Aug 1, 2013 11:30pm PDT
somebody was carving me for a monument. now nation for the last month i have been hot on the trail of nsa leaker edward snowden. he has eluded authorities by hiding out in a moscow airport. i knew we should have signed an extra decision treaty with au bon pain. well now, folks, this cybertraiter has flown the airport. more than a month after landing atmos you could's airport ed snowden now is on the move for the first time. the nsa leaker said to be leaving the airport, officially entering russia after being granted temporary asylum. >> stephen: yes, he has got answer sigh lum in russia where vladimir putin shares snowden's passion for transparency. and folks there is startling new information on the nsa's secret surveillance programs. it turns out even as he was on the run snowden had time to stop and take another leak. so let's get into the nitty-gritty details-- i'm sorry, i'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, we will have to wait. i'm getting an oppressed white male alert. repeat. i have an oppressed white male alert. tonight's victim san diego mayor bob fillner. (laughter) >> stephen: he'
Comedy Central
Aug 5, 2013 9:00am PDT
n.s.a. contractor turned whistle blower and also of the upcoming lonely planet terminal-d of the moscow airport. so what has he been up to apart from nothing? >> russian news agencies reported that snowden would get a special i.d. card or document of some kind that would allow him to finally leave the airport transit zone. but it turns out that the lawyer wasn't carrying any such i.d. card. he did have some fresh clothes for us, some pizza and a couple of books by check often. >> john: that's nice because nothing lightens a man's spirits like theodore. i think you'll find him in barnes and enable's misery section. take that. now you understand suffering. i've got no problem with you, checkov. no problem. but like a hotel phone ringing at 5:30 a.m. because you specifically requested it, snowden has provided a real wake-up call. (laughing). he's forced americans to examine the trade-offs we've made between national security and not having the government listen into our private phone calls with 55 [bleep]. i told that in confidence about my private medical history. i'm conc
Comedy Central
Aug 5, 2013 11:30pm PDT
of dollars in our intelligence gathering, surrendered our privacy and let the n.s.a. turn the constitution into a choose your own adventure. so we can get concrete, actionable intelligence like this. >> al qaeda appears to be planning something big although we don't know the exact target or the exact method. >> we still don't know the time or date or target of any attack. >> what we don't know is the exact date, the exact location that's going to occur or the nature of it. are they going to attack embassies or hotels? we just don't know. >> stephen: thank you n.s.a. now we know americans just need to avoid "this" area. [ cheers and applause ] folks, without any details, i'm not even sure how panicked i'm supposed to be. at least during the bush years i could look at this helpful chart and know that my sphincter tightness was orange but even that's gone now because obama gave all those colors to the gays for their rainbow. [ cheers and applause ] but despite the uncertainty, nothing is being left to chance. in fact, the state department announced the closed u.s. embassies will remain shut t
Comedy Central
Aug 15, 2013 11:30pm PDT
home or reading my prompter at the nsa. spoiler alert, guys, this is the next sentence. now it's no secret i'm in favor of government surveillance. it's certainly no secret from the government. but ever since the leaks from nsa trader and guests at your wedding it no one seems to know, edward snowden, we've all had questions about domestic fines, how much do they know about it as much as facebook or nothing at all because they're using google plus. well, i have to hand it to the president for addressing america's concerns last week on the nbc nightly leno. >> there is no spying on americans. we don't have a domestic spying program. >> stephen: see, no domestic spying program. because it's clearly not dom es at this kated. it's not even housebroken. look at all the leaks. the point is they're not spying on us, end of story. now the rest of the story is that the president gave us more details about the program that we don't have at a secret press conference. secret in that it was held at 3 p.m. on a friday in august. by then wolf blitzer is already three margaritas deep in the si
Comedy Central
Aug 7, 2013 11:00pm PDT
obama is cancelling his meeting with russia's president putin over tensions becausest n.s.a. leaker edward snowden. >> john: yes, that is clearly the only reason. it's-- it's always a good idea to pad out with what you really want to say with self-righteous human rights stuff like, "kimberly, we need a break. i don't like your stance on chine and tibetan monks and your boobs are weirding me out." if we want snowden back all we need to do is convince vladimir putin that snowden is gay. that away wayhe'llob a plane into u.s. custody faster than a definitely not homoerotic team of elastic clad men. that quick. actually, russia is not only global leadership story we're dealing with tonight which brins us to our new segment... indeed. now, we've already dealt with russia, so let's see where our magical dploab will take us next egypt! egypt. i just lift egypt. i'm not-- i'm not used to guns. ( laughter ) as the situation in egypt continues to devolve, the u.s. like a polar bear on a hastily melting glackier is trying to act like everything's still cool. ( laughter ) a couple of weeks ago,
Search Results 0 to 20 of about 21 (some duplicates have been removed)